Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
