I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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