Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
