C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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