DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
