Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
