i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
