Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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