Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
