TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
whose parrot is this?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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