Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
