my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize