I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
from now on my penis is your penis
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
