I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
