is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
