Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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