Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
