My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
