I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just took my morning after pill in the library
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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