I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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