dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
