can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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