nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
