I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
