My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
