i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize