I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm jealous of your bromance
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want to make out with him forever
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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