Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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