i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
