I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
