if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
