What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
