I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
