a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think your dad took our porno
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
