I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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