i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
