you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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