somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize