My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm getting married
To pizza
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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