there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
