I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
