1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
