In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize