I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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