pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
