for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
