My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
