soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
