P.S. I can't hear my feet
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
