Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
