dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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