who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I deserve this hangover.
He shit in the fireplace
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
