The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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