is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
smell my finger.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
