Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
