On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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