i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
