Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize