I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
