let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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