I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
