its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
