This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Girls should come with a carfax report
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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