she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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